writing about yourself
10 things worth sharing this week + feelingposting and individualism
I’m trying to get back to writing one of these a week, so this inevitably means sharing some of the content I consume, rather than writing a longform reflection.
Before I continue, I think it’s important (to myself) to address the need to “write one of these a week” — why do I need to do this once a week, and what do I mean by “this” if not a longform reflection?
In other words, if I don’t have a longform reflection essay to post every week, why don’t I just not post weekly, and instead spend that time polishing a longer, arguably higher quality essay, and conform to the cadence of once a month, or once-every-sudden-stroke-of-genius or so?
I think the answer is simple, as usual. More writing is better practice.
I had found a pretty stable rhythm last year writing these posts. With more practice, I became more comfortable finding my words, and the quality of the posts increased, at least in my opinion. After a lull in my writing, though, I was hoping to get back to it producing the same quality of posts, and since nothing I’ve written feels as good anymore, I’ve posted less and less, ultimately not writing at all.
So I think I have to once again get used to pushing more consistent stuff that only feels to me half as good. I have two or three longer essays in the backlog that I’m slowly working on, but I’ve decided in the mean-time, there’s no reason to halt every other project because I can’t find my words.
Now that that’s out of the way, I decided I will continue my Austin Kleon’s inspired weekly “10 things worth sharing”, at least on any week I can’t think of anything else.
So here’s 10 things I’m sharing this week!
I read Bits of Wonder’s The pleasures and pitfalls of writing about yourself, and I was surprised at how accurately it touched on some of my own experiences when writing about my emotions to a larger public (or public journaling, if you will). While I think some of my best writing has been my most vulnerable, (and by best here, I mean that the most number of people reached out to thank me for writing it), sometimes it feels the most self-serving. More importantly, it’s created a self-invalidating dynamic where I won’t feel I’ve fully processed an experience unless I’m ready to write about it and post it publicly. Because, how was this experience valuable to me if I didn’t write a reflection about it?
Kasra puts it more succinctly:
“If you’re not careful you start to develop some bad habits, like constantly mining your experiences for snappy insights to share in a self-help essay, or unconsciously believing that “if you don’t post about it, it didn’t happen.” In the extreme, it leads to a state of mind where anytime you have a remotely profound experience, you feel a craving to post about it on the internet as a way of validating that it was real.”
Another quote that I liked from this post:
“Science essays can be put together weekly, but profound personal transformations can’t. I want to talk about my experience being a human, but only when I have something genuinely important to say on the matter…”
I think this one touches on some of the things I talked about at the beginning of this post. I’m not reflecting on my own life all the time, or even on a weekly basis, so it’s become very hard to produce the same quality of reflecting consistently every week. I don’t think I would ever make my full-time career writing about something as self-serving as my own emotions (as much as I enjoy it and have some inclination towards it). I don’t always have something insightful to say, and I’d much rather work on something more explorative.
The case against travel by Agnes Callard. I’ve always been curious about the exploration of why people “love to travel”. I don’t think there’s one right answer, and simply like to understand people’s reasonings. But I do think as social media continues to push people towards traveling and digital nomad-ing, it’s refreshing to hear some views against it, and I kind of agree that it may not be for everyone.
Think fast, talk smart podcast: Listen up, Leaders: A record-setting coach’s guide to communication. A conversation with olympic coach Tara VanDerveer and how she communicates with her team. Points I liked:
Evaluate your performance everyday. Make of this a ritual that is detached from the outcome of the game. That way, you don't associate losing with hearing more criticism than usual, or winning with more praise. Each game has moments worth learning from or that you can improve.
You should see your opponent not as your enemy, but a key element in your own development. Your opponent is someone you learn from, they are there to make you a better player. (I thought this was a framing technique that is worth using in much more than just sports).
Create a team culture where you don't ruminate or beat yourself after a game, but rather, have a community that reinforces all the things you did effectively. letting go of the mistakes.
The Cost of Apathy by Jack Raines. A quote from this post:
“The reality of corporate America is that if you follow the rules, do what you’re supposed to do, and maintain pleasant relationships with your coworkers, inertia takes over, and you can make a living wage while coasting through your career by answering a few emails, updating a few spreadsheets, and making the occasional presentation.
But this ability to coast is dangerous. While our ancestors risked starving or freezing to death, the risks we face today are psychological, not physiological. In a world where survival is all-but-guaranteed, your greatest risk is that you spend your life not really doing a whole lot of anything.”
This year has been, without a doubt, the closest I’ve felt to understanding this sentiment, even though it is the closest I’ve been to the conventional idea of success. So to that, I say, no thanks, I think I’m going to do my own thing.
Why everything feels off by Patricia Mou.
Increasingly so, we’ve begun to realize that the answer of personal meaning can no longer be sought outside of ourselves, readily packaged for consumption. We must save ourselves. So we go on a proverbial 10-day meditation retreat, sign up for therapy, solo travel to numerous 3rd world countries, take on the countenance of a personified Walden Pond ascetic, and consider becoming an influencer in the process, mistaking views and likes as real community. Under the capitalistic mandate of unbounded growth and progress, we become hyper-focused on my trauma, my healing, my passions, my hero’s journey, my hobbies, my tribe - purchasing our way into idealized versions of ourselves, and doing so in a vacuum navigated largely alone and cut off from a broader social fabric of pluralistic perspectives.
Thus the quest for freedom, authenticity, and self-actualization is not only achieved by going at it by ourselves, but making it about ourselves. Propelled by an individualism that serves to reify the ego, rather than loosen its grip, so that our natural gifts may spontaneously arise in service to the larger collective… How can we recapture the value of meaning that we’ve lost without sacrificing the authenticity we crave?
“Journaling for Insight” course by Mark Matousek. The Waking up App’s latest course highlights journaling as a mindfulness practice. I have been consistently journaling for about 8 years now, which sounds like a lot, but truthfully has had varying degrees of helpfulness throughout the years. This course came at the perfect time to try to be more mindful about my journaling (since I’ve never really taken a course on how to journal — I always just did). I do recommend this audio course with prompts and tips for you to work on. The Waking Up app is free if you ask for a scholarship :)
Re-reading Social Chemistry. It’s worth a read if you are new to networking and concepts in psychology, neuroscience, and other social sciences.
Finally watched Poor Things! Will probably not be watching again in the next few years because it is a lot to digest. But, holy crap what a masterpiece! Bella Baxter is an instant female classic. Oh to be a woman untouched by societal pressures like she is.
Also watched Pearl. Mia Goth was fantastic in this. This is, in my opinion, A24s best horror movie so far. Granted, I have yet to watch Hereditary, but I’m not sure anything will top this one in my book.
Glue by BICEP. This is just a really damn good song.
Finally, some ✨life updates✨ worth sharing!
I am now 2 weeks away from moving to Vancouver. It’s finally happening! It’s been 7 years of calling California my home base. In my heart, I guess it still will be (plus, I’ll probably be visiting Ethan enough that it won’t feel like I’m gone). But Vancouver will be home for a bit, and I’m so excited. I was obsessed with the pacific northwest as a Panamanian child who romanticized the forests and Canada, so this feels incredibly fitting. We’re doing a road trip all the way north and visiting every national park on the way (Which is actually so many). I’m so excited for this trip!
vivs visiting from sf (or vancouver, or panama, hehe) Many friends from all over the country have been visiting me! It’s been such a lovely goodbye to San Diego to experience the city through the eyes of my friends. A few years ago, I probably wouldn’t have known where to take them, or I’d taken them places that didn’t quite reflect who I was or my interests. This time, it’s really felt like welcoming my friends into a slice of my life. I’ve been truly happy to have been visited.
my (current) favorite land mammal at the san diego zoo! I had covid for the first time! It was four and a half years before I got it, but for the first time last week, my antigen test came back positive. I don’t think I could’ve been upset about it — I inevitably gave it to Ethan, so we were both sick at home and he didn’t have to go to lab for half a week. I was secretly so happy😈 We were in bed for three days, and got to watch movies and play board games.
On that note, you must play this board game. It’s a national parks game and it’s the most wholesome and fun and actually pretty strategic game I’ve played in a while! The art and woodwork is beautiful!
Thank you for reading this week’s newsletter :)
Much love,
Nicole🌊
p.s. Some of the longform essays am working on are the following: reflections after two years of therapy, on doing a social media detox, and why I only want to post longform content. Is there any strong interest on any of these the most or on anything else? Let me know! :)