25 lessons for 25 years
Lessons learned (that I remember), quarter-life crisis, life and love
I’m turning 25 today. And, while I knew this day would bring along a mixture of emotions, I guess I didn’t anticipate how intense1 these would be.
Corny as it may sound, I can’t help but wince at the number, and that’s okay— 25 years old is the oldest I’ve ever been. Any number past that goes beyond the years I fantasized about the most while growing up. But I also know I am incredibly young. I have most of my life ahead of me, and I can’t help but smile at how epic this small portion of it has been so far. It definitely feels like a milestone — but I also can’t believe all my life can fit in such a short 25-year period — maybe sometimes I had to grow up faster than one should, but for the most part I still feel like just a kid.
I hope I can look back at this post 5, 10 years from now and see myself as just a kid. I hope there’s still a lot of growth in me. In the meantime, here are 25 lessons I’ve learned that I came up with this last year.2
Do the thing before you get home. No one is saying that you won't do it after, but wouldn't it be a lot better to get home knowing you don't have to leave again?
You can rarely escape having to deliver the bad news. Do it sooner than later. Can't make it to the event? Won't have the task done on time? Need to cancel a trip? Tell others as soon as you know. It doesn't get better by waiting. It almost always gets worse.
Do it scared. unless it's a life-or-death situation, then maybe just don't do it. Scared is good. Live outside your comfort zone, especially in your 20's.
Nobody freaking cares. And if they do, they'll either support you or judge you. If they support you, any feedback is good, even if you suck. If they judge you, really, let the people in your life filter themselves out.
Most of life is showing up. Show up for your friends, show up for your family, for yourself, for your colleagues. You build strong, lasting relationships by simply showing up. If you say you’re gonna do something, actually do it. That’s how you build trust. Show up as you are, even if who you are isn’t who you hoped to be. If you can’t do it, apologize wholeheartedly, as soon as you can.
You lose relationships and opportunities by not showing up. Broken promises, missed events, missed deadlines… whether intentionally or not, people remember the times you don’t show up. Most people won’t bring it up, they may not even be upset, but they take note in the future that you may be someone they cannot rely on.
You lose relationships, period. All relationships are somewhat temporary. You can’t predict how long relationships last. Love deeply and intensely. Tell people how much they mean to you before they’re gone. Always show as the best, most present version of yourself, but know some things are out of your hands. Let relationships run their course, and grief them as they should be grieved.
Go even when no one else wants to go. Trust me, people will follow, or the right people will come.
Don't do something just because you can get away with it. Think to yourself, would I be proud of my actions, if I had to share them? Avoid cheats or lies. If you got somewhere, others should be able to get there too.
Do the hard thing. Enjoy how long it takes to get there. The reward to doing good work is more good work. If you're spending your time on something, make sure it is because you want to continue doing more of , or because doing this thing will get you there.
Everyone’s going through something; it doesn’t hurt to assume people have the best intentions. Be kind always. Everyone is deserving of forgiveness.
All thoughts are fleeting; some don’t even need to be entertained. choose which you entertain wisely. Thoughts are just thoughts, I’m not sure I even have control over them rising. Which thoughts I choose to entertain is how I spend my time, how I spend my life.
Dopamine cleanses are important. Social media, youtube, messages… These can be great tools, but it’s not what life’s about. An email I’ve been waiting for can arguably give me the same rush as a long run, but they’re not the same, and long-term they don’t provide the same benefits. I’m not lesser of a person because I spend hours scrolling on my phone, but if I don’t choose to cleanse myself from the easy-to-get dopamine, it’ll take an increasingly large amount of effort to get anything more rewarding.
Freedom is found in discipline. To want something and to do it is the biggest form of freedom there is. We become prisoners to the should’ve’s and would’ve’s if we never get to them. They drag our every days and we lose confidence in ourselves. The worst thing is not to fail but to never try.
It’s supposed to be uncomfortable. It’s supposed to hurt a little. I think I realized this once when doing a half-marathon; the first finisher sprinting past me at 14mph. I remember thinking, “It can’t possibly feel easy to him. Holding that pace for an hour”. I think you train to endure more and more, but I don’t think life is quite meant to be easy. Life is consistently hard. If you chase a life that gets easier, it’ll get monotonous quickly. You just choose the hard thing you want to put time into.
Have times where you do nothing. It can’t be hard all the time. Rest is so important. Don’t wait until burnout. Know when your body and your mind need a break. Enjoy doing nothing.
Take care of your mind and body. Meditate. Eat well. Sleep. Stretch. Start sooner than later. As I get older I can feel how things hurt and affect me more than they did before. Be aware of how different things, people, food, activities affect your mind and body. The change is hard but start small. Your body will thank you.
Save money as early as you can. Invest. Live well beneath your means. As much as money does not equal happiness, it’s a lot harder to be happy when you don’t know you’ll have enough for your basic needs. Don’t spend everything you make. If possible, ask yourself, how can I live with less? Get creative.
Be genuinely invested in what people are doing. Their goals, their works. Everyone out here is trying to make it. Find common ground in that. Be curious and excited for people — feel honored to witness their growth. Be the support that you want in your life.
Smile more. To strangers, to friends, find a reason to smile. If somebody says something annoying, smile. If they say something stupid, smile. Smile at how ridiculous everything is. Don’t take anything so seriously.
Just because things aren’t happening now doesn’t mean they won’t ever happen. In my 20’s, I’ve felt the need to do everything, from traveling the world, to going back to school, to running away into the woods, to settling down. The more I grow the more I realize there’s little episodes to my life and everything is temporary. You don’t have to do the thing right now, you can’t do everything right now.
You can always start again. Nothing is permanent. Be okay with being wrong, having to re-learn things, disagreeing with yourself. Who you are isn’t fixed. You’re not bound to your old routines, old beliefs, and old mistakes. You can always change. You can admit to having done wrong, and do better.
You can do mostly anything, but you can’t do it all. I’m still trying to find out whether I can disprove this. But it’s not looking good so far. Life is about making hard decisions between many things you want, it feels like.
Focus on the good stuff. The good stuff and the bad stuff are always gonna be there, fighting for your attention. Framing is everything, and there’s no reason why the worst thing that happened in your life can’t become the best. Your story is ongoing. Practice gratitude.
This is it. This is your life right now. Not later today, or when you are healthier, when you’ve cleared your schedule, when you are more successful, more loved… Nothing has to happen, or will happen to you. Nothing is owed to you. How you choose to live each day is up to you. Enjoy every moment as it unfolds.
Thank you for reading, thank you for your time, and thank you for being in my life :) Here’s a song to end this post!
Much love,
Nicole🌊
I have since I began writing this post today come to realize I just got my period. I was pmsing. The intensity was pms. Got me once again.
Since I wrote these over the past year, I realized I have way more lessons than 25, but that wasn’t what I had in mind for this post. I’ll save the rest for when I turn 50.